<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.069722072775078691635260788558%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=1ba4366e-2b0d-4bf4-8b09-4cd52786240a" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Setting the Scene: Lawrence Kohlberg (1927-1987) was an American Psychologist who studied how people solved moral dilemmas. Kohlberg’s work often involved posing various moral questions to his research subjects. A famous example would be the ‘Heinz dilemma.’ It was a hypothetical question regarding a man who had the chance to steal life-saving drugs for his very sick wife and why he might decide to choose a specific course of action over another. To correctly classify these responses, Kohlberg proposed a basic construct for categorizing them that correspond to different moral developmental reasoning stages. Over the years, there has been some criticism of its limitations and legitimate questions about its scope and accuracy. However, it gives us an excellent starting point to begin our discussion on the topic of morality. <table style="width: 468pt; border-collapse: collapse; margin-left: 5pt"> <tr style="height: 27.25pt"> <td colspan="3" style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 2.25pt; padding-left: 5pt; padding-right: 5pt; padding-top: 5pt; padding-bottom: 3.88pt; vertical-align: bottom; " > The 6 Stages/Levels of Moral Development according to Kohlberg </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 21.25pt"></tr> <tr style="height: 25.75pt"> <td rowspan="2" style=" border-top-color: #000000; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1pt; border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Preconventional Morality </td> <td style=" border-top-color: #000000; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1pt; border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: 2em !important; " > 1 </td> <td style=" border-top-color: #000000; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1pt; border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Punishment and Obedience - Follow the rules to avoid punishment </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 27.25pt"> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: 2em !important; " > 2 </td> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Self Interest - How does complying with the rules benefit me? </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 25.75pt"> <td rowspan="2" style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Conventional Morality </td> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: 2em !important; " > 3 </td> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Social Norms - Conforming to others expectations of goodness </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 27.25pt"> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: 2em !important; " > 4 </td> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Law and Order - Submission to authority because it’s the law </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 25.75pt"> <td rowspan="3" style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; padding-left: 4.5pt; padding-right: 5pt; padding-top: 5pt; padding-bottom: 4.5pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Postconventional Morality </td> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: 2em !important; " > 5 </td> <td style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Social Contract - Do it for the greater common good </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 25.75pt"> <td rowspan="2" style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: #000000; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: 2em !important; " > 6 </td> <td rowspan="2" style=" border-bottom-color: #000000; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-right-color: #000000; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1pt; padding: 5pt; width: fit-content !important; " > Universal Ethical Principles - moral code based on universal values greater than oneself takes precedence over lesser laws and social mores </td> </tr> <tr style="height: 35.5pt"></tr> </table> <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.069722072775078691635260788558%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=695eccc0-e08e-46c2-ba09-93c68f708d51" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) was a German Philosopher and writer who often considered moral and ethical issues related to the concepts of personal identity and freedom. Nietzsche was a writer of great cleverness and wit. His work is still widely read and quoted to this day, and his ideas helped form the basis of many important discussions on cultural issues during the 20th century. Nietzsche’s writings often focused on the restrictive nature of morality used as a form of groupthink by the masses to suppress the creativity and originality of truly great individuals. Here are some of Nietzsche’s quotes regarding morality: “Morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.” “Let us not underestimate this: we ourselves, we free spirits, are nothing less than a “revaluation of all values,” an incarnate declaration of war and triumph over all the ancient conceptions of “true” and “untrue.”” – The Antichrist “One becomes moral – not because one is moral. Submission to morality can be slavish or vain or selfish or resigned or obtusely enthusiastic or thoughtless or an act of desperation, like submission to a prince: in itself it is nothing moral.” – The Dawn “Convictions are more dangerous enemies of the truth than lies.” – Human, All Too Human For believe me! — the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment is: to live dangerously! – The Gay Science While every noble morality develops from a triumphant affirmation of itself, slave morality from the outset says No to what is "outside," what is "different," what is "not itself"; and this No is its creative deed. – Genealogy of Morals The Presence of Conflicting Values: Moral debates often arise when conflicting values or goods are considered, and when we must make a choice between them. Moral debates can center around specific issues or concrete examples of conflict that exist in real life. Or, they can also center around broader or more abstract forms of reasoning in hypothetical scenarios. People debating a particular issue can come into conflict because one person is arguing about a single case based on its own specific merits. Another person may be extrapolating from the same data to formulate answers relevant to broader hypothetical situations. The debaters need to recognize the scope of their arguments to compare their conclusions effectively. In this article, we will be dealing with general ideas about morality rather than venturing into a discussion of specific cases. Here are two questions to consider before reading further: · How do we balance a sense of personal freedom and autonomy along with social responsibility and the universal principles of moral integrity? · And are there universal principles of morality that are truly greater than the individual? Or is the greatness of man the measure of all things? In Part 2 of this article, we will begin to compare and contrast some of the ideas of Nietzsche and Kohlberg. There will also be a series of questions for the reader to consider regarding this. Finally, in Part 3 of this article, we will consider the role of morality in building a functional society and how it all ties into the principles of equality and justice.

The Development of Morality - Nietzsche vs Kohlberg - Part 1 of 3

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.69511484942177451636272260507%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=2c5c993f-01e5-43d0-919f-277a08a96073" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> While &quot;Be Yourself&quot; is an appealing message to market and sell. Is it really something that all of us should strive for? And how can anyone actually be themselves in this world? Here we question the liberal ideas of favouring the individual, often over the collective that is society. We discuss and debate whether always putting yourself first is sustainable and the consequences of going ahead with that idea as a society. Take the example of cars on the road. At an intersection, you observe people fighting for their chance to cross, all the while creating a stir that leaves everyone stranded. Of course, you want to go first, why wouldn&#39;t you, but so does the person right next to you. You&#39;re late for your meeting the second time this week, but they have a medical emergency. But since you only focus on yourself, you cut corners and try to drive away first and end up adding to the commotion. The Indian road safety campaign of &quot;Pehle Aap&quot; (Meaning &#39;You First&#39;) is the perfect indication of the need to put others first to avoid literal and metaphorical traffic jams aka, the stalling of society. But one can argue that at least in their homes, people can put themselves first and act the way they want. It is a scale down from society, but even at home, other people are fighting to do things their way. It is not peaceful and sustainable if everyone in that boundary is fighting for their way, there is no structure or protocol, no rules or regulations. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.69511484942177451636272260507%2Fimage3.webp?alt=media&token=1a853465-d14a-4c57-b29a-3065276c559a" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Let&#39;s zoom out and look at society. Suppose everyone starts acting individually, putting their needs and wants ahead of everyone else. In that case, we create a petri dish of randomness. The chaos that people would say is unnecessary. It would be the death of altruism as a direct result of individualism. Self over service. How long do you think society would operate at the current level of peace once we start acting more individually? I vote, not very long. You do you, act the way you want, but does this mean we have no regard for other people or society? We can extrapolate this idea to all aspects of life, both internal and social. Individually, when you do not operate under personal values or guidelines, life quickly turns to chaos. You end up having to make every decision for yourself at every juncture, and it is draining. And who&#39;s to say that you are well equipped to take every decision even if it only affects you? Turn to social media, and you find almost everyone propagating the ideas of &#39;Do what feels right, &#39;You do you, &#39;Be Yourself&#39;, &#39;Don&#39;t succumb to society&#39;. Paradoxically, if everyone starts adhering to this philosophy, you succumb to the idea of not succumbing to society. A trap to get out of another trap. Liberty is a new religion. One way it manifests is in the noble idea of doing what you want and not pandering to anyone else&#39;s needs or demands; of course, why should you? It is your life, after all. But this outlook itself is a marketing gimmick that brands and companies use to associate themselves with freedom, passion, and strength. You glorify the ideas of freedom and liberty, where you get to do what you want and be satisfied all the time but you still punch in at 9 AM in a dingy office space, where your superiors already line up your work, and you have to report before the end of the day or kiss your bonus goodbye. It does not feel very free, does it? But this is precisely how the majority of the working class live. Don&#39;t get me wrong. There is no vendetta against individualism here. The intention is to highlight that your mundane life is not substandard. You can very well be satisfied in such a life only if you choose not to give in to the idea of &#39;not succumbing to society&#39;. Some people thrive under strict rules and deadlines. Having to make every decision for yourself is a source of anxiety for many people. It makes them accountable for all their actions, and only they are to blame if things go sideways. It is a huge fear. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.69511484942177451636272260507%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=d7dc7932-a03a-43d8-bf28-2b8b4b60e01f" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> People need direction, handholding, and rules to function well in society. The absence of these would cause them to self-destruct or cause a failure of peaceful social structures. The paradox of choice also comes into play here. The more decisions and options we are exposed to, the higher the mental toll they take. Every decision we make has a cost. The more decisions we make, the more depleted our decision-making faculty gets. Our ability to make the right ones declines with every subsequent decision. This phenomenon sneaks up on you, where towards the end of the day, you find yourself making emotional and rash choices that you end up regretting the following morning. Classic case of decision fatigue. Hence it makes sense to follow rules and adhere to norms. It is, of course, if the rules themselves don&#39;t come at a personal cost. Exposure to all these choices and decisions also then lead to widespread anger and frustration. People will be drained of fighting internal and external battles all the time. At times it is not only okay to give up decision making, but rather it is warranted. It is not meant to advocate mass rulings and strict adherence but to question the utopian idea of liberty itself. Is having the liberty to choose everything for yourself ultimately beneficial to you and society, or is it just an impressive vision to sell? What do you think? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

Paradox of Being Yourself

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0202072586930484021635362946595%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=754af849-7759-4104-ad5a-eb79787e56b8" alt="File preview" width="500" /> In the final article in this 3 part series, we will discuss whether or not society really needs morals in order to function, as well as the principles of justice and equality when making moral considerations. <h3> Do We Really Need a Defined Set of Morals for Society to Function? </h3> No ethical or moral system is likely to be perfect in all cases. There are simply too many different possible scenarios along with their variables that can arise for any single value system to provide perfect solutions all of the time. If a set of moral principles is too vague, then the answers it offers become unclear. But if an ethical system becomes too precisely delineated, everyone becomes weighed down with expansive legalism that is difficult to follow. Human beings are social animals by nature, and there are currently 7.8 billion of us living together. Suppose certain classes of people acted only as ends unto themselves, such as the higher human beings that Nietzsche refers to. How would we collectively begin to achieve any sort of overall harmony of value judgments? How would this affect how we treat each other? For instance, would it be permissible for a &lsquo;higher man&rsquo; to treat other persons from the herd however they pleased - since their moral judgments are far beyond what lesser individuals can comprehend? Any student of 20th-century history quickly realizes how problematic and dangerous such ideas have the potential to become. Or are there universal moral principles that supersede the individual&rsquo;s will? While adhering to an established system of morals might diminish the individual&#39;s autonomous range, perhaps a different sort of freedom might arise. Would it be possible to free the self in service of a greater good instead of being slaves to our impulses or cyclically pursuing our own ends? Additionally, while the idea of great men creating their own values and pushing the envelope of morality sounds good in theory, how would it work relative to history? Since little is truly new under the sun, and everything that exists now has essentially come before in some form or another, how would someone trying to create their own values manage to do anything truly unique? Somewhere, sometime, someone on this planet has likely been confronted with a similar moral choice that mirrors almost any that we could face. And since the energy of life on this earth remains interconnected as it moves through time, it would seem that we are simply playing a temporary role in continuing a much larger cycle of cause and effect. Learning from life often involves making mistakes and trying not to repeat them. This process continues the cycle of growth that leads us away from stagnation or decay. To see clearly and learn from the mistakes of others without suffering the same fate is wisdom. Perhaps the moral insights that will become most valuable to us are those that we discover both from the real pain of our mistakes along with looking to the cumulative wisdom of others. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0202072586930484021635362946595%2Fimage3.webp?alt=media&token=093e5089-0370-4744-b7c9-10e334f29d6f" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> <h3> The Moral Issues of Equality and Justice </h3> Finally, perhaps by considering the relationship of morality to other integral principles, we can better balance personal freedom and social responsibilities. One of the foundational principles of ethics is that of equality in regards to justice. Because while all human beings may not be physically, intellectually, socially, or financially equal, all are endowed with a basic set of rights. All are equally deserving of moral consideration. If you remove this fundamental principle from any ethical equation, it will likely result in some form of inequality and exploitation of a person (or group) by another. And a moral system based on exploitation isn&rsquo;t much of a moral system at all. <ul> <li> Any system that allows certain individuals the absolute freedom to ignore the rights of the larger, collective group or target the rights of other individuals is explicitly not ethical. </li> <li> But the systemic process of allowing groups in power to overreach and interfere with certain innate personal freedoms of individuals (thereby limiting their potential) is also harmful and unethical. </li> </ul> Is there some system that might better balance the rights of various individuals from all groups? &nbsp;No system will be perfect for all members since there are so many diverse situations and characteristics. But using universal principles of some kind to formulate a baseline of ethical standards applicable to all must occur to ensure fundamental rights. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0202072586930484021635362946595%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=645165b3-3f48-4c44-a0ff-d44e6ebf4138" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> <h3>Article Summary:</h3> <ul> <li> If we fail to thoroughly examine the validity of our most deeply held values, to recognize where they come from and why they are important, they become hollow and meaningless over time. When values lose their integrity, it leads to blind obedience, unquestioning conformity, and moral stagnation. </li> <li> However, suppose we set ourselves adrift in a sea of moral relativism or begin to say that there are no universal moral truths that are greater than our own free will. In that case, we risk becoming lost in ourselves and falling prey to our biases and desires. We risk creating a hell on earth while trying to fashion a paradise of our own design. </li> </ul>

Part 3 of 3: The Development of Morality - Nietzsche vs Kohlberg

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.7928762051668031631036323697%2FLOVE%20A%20CAREFUL%20CHOICE%20OR%20AN%20UNCONTROLLABLE%20EMOTION_1.webp?alt=media&token=9d319240-a5ea-4f70-bb9c-1222231fb7f0" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" />Friedrich Nietzsche quoted once, "There is always madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." Love. Some call it a mere chemical reaction, while some prefer being more hearts-and-flowers with the definition. Others may even call it a daunting mission that sucks the life out of them. But I am not here to define love; as it is not as simple as people try to make it. What intrigued me was this question- is love a conscious choice or an uncontrollable feeling? Post hours of research and intense contemplation, here's what I discovered.Falling in love is easy; it happens almost so inadvertently that it requires little effort. New relationships are rosy and joyful, and people constantly think about their partners and wish to spend time with them. However, this "honeymoon phase" fades, leaving people questioning their relationships and chemistry. That is when the question of love being a choice or a feeling surfaces.&nbsp;First, let us look at love as a feeling. After all, you "feel" something from within during those first few interactions. The butterflies in your stomach, the daydreaming, and that rush when you see them- those are all beautiful feelings and seldom conscious choices. But feelings usually fade, and this stands true for relationships. Such sentiments are unreliable and transient, and their retreat causes doubts and distress. These feelings also leave people stuck in toxic relationships and prevent them from quitting damaging bonds. Ask any couple who has been together for a few decades, and they will confirm that it isn't just "feelings" that kept them together. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.7928762051668031631036323697%2FLOVE%20A%20CAREFUL%20CHOICE%20OR%20AN%20UNCONTROLLABLE%20EMOTION_2.webp?alt=media&token=056cec42-2e49-460f-8dc4-c0932224b59f" alt="File preview" width="701" height="468" />Then why do people believe that love is a choice? People choose to continue loving their partners. They are determined to look beyond or accept their partner's flaws. They make up their minds to love their better half every day, regardless of their feelings. But seeing love as a choice isn't always ideal. Humans need their choices and decisions to be right all the time. They think that their partners should also "choose" to be perfect, as everything is ultimately a choice. However, with matters of the heart, things aren't that simple. It is almost as unrealistic as telling someone to "chill" and them chilling instantly.&nbsp;Seeing love as merely a choice also invalidates the struggles of those stuck in toxic or abusive relationships. People look at an abusive relationship and question the victim for not ending things, as it is ultimately their choice. Individuals in such relationships are often trapped in a web of manipulation, lies, and fear. They also suffer from low self-esteem and loneliness. In some cultures, they may maintain such relationships because of the involvement of families. An influential psychological phenomenon to be considered in such relationships is intermittent reinforcement. A reward is offered by the abuser whenever the individual performs a desired activity, but only sometimes. The desire for this reward makes the person desperately repeat these activities, hoping to get rewarded with love, attention, or whatever they want. This action-reward system gets so hard-wired into the brain that people get addicted to the relationship, leaving them stuck in the circle of abuse. In such cases, it is rarely about love, let alone it being a feeling or a choice.&nbsp;So what exactly is love? Love is a skill. One that everyone can learn, and some can outclass. Being considerate, patient, kind, mindful, and supportive simultaneously requires expertise. We cannot grasp these effortlessly, like any other skill. It takes years of learning and experience to master this skill. This skill is crucial not only to continue loving someone but also to know when to stop loving someone. Knowing when to leave a relationship is an important element to this skill, one that could save you pain and trauma. When you perfect this art, you can better understand people and their circumstances to make smarter decisions. This understanding helps one differentiate a good relationship or feeling from a toxic one. Love is both a feeling and a choice at some point, but it has to be a skill for it to live long and be fruitful. Thus, the goal should be to gain expertise in this skill, not categorize it as a choice or feeling.

Love: A Careful Choice or an Uncontrollable Emotion?

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.52485430586477431631036480229%2F4ec66f95-1f32-48ae-b199-3932d03a2afd.webp?alt=media&token=e0c4b6a0-2fec-46ae-9505-ffff84cfb689" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> People have always equated romantic relationships to monogamy. They consider love as a feeling that occurs between no more than two people. When a person argues to be in love with more than one person, we tend to brush these feelings off as a crush or an infatuation. But this is not always true. What if you love more than one person equally and passionately? If love is a choice, why can't we choose to love two people equally? Also, is loving your partners equally possible or even necessary? Love is a complicated emotion. A person typically loves more than one person in their lifetime, including their parents, siblings, pets, and friends among others. You are also attracted to more than one person at a time. But to understand whether you can love more than one person, the key is to distinguish love from attraction. When you are attracted to someone, your body goes through a series of chemical reactions that result in a powerful yet temporary sense of connection. Love is different because it takes time to develop and lasts longer. Upon understanding the difference between genuine love and attraction, we look at the idea of being in love with two people simultaneously. Falling in love with two people is not easy; it requires immense patience and investment. However, several experienced individuals have stated that it is certainly possible. You can fall in love with two people for entirely different reasons, and both these reasons could be equally valid. You fall in love with one person for the way you get adventurous with them, and you love another person for the way you feel safe around them. With both of them, your brain releases hormones that make you fall in love. Ultimately, love is a choice at some point. For the same reason, you will have to choose the next step by considering the various factors at play.&nbsp; Assume you are in a polyamorous relationship. It is commendable if one does manage an arrangement that allows a happy polyamorous relationship. But is it possible to love both/all partners equally? More importantly, is it necessary? Let us look at a polyamorous relationship where a person has two partners. The person can surely love both partners equally. If love is a choice, we can choose how to love our partners. But if you examine the emotions involved while falling in love, this statement may not hold because, well, emotions are uncontrollable.. But why is it necessary to love both partners equally? It isn't. Loving two people in an equal sense would mean offering the same things to both partners or doing everything twice. Doing this is not only impractical but also unnecessary. Equity is what matters in such relationships. Both the partners may need entirely different things from you.&nbsp; One partner may require a lot of alone time, while the other would love to spend most of their spare time with you. In such a case, spending more time with the latter does not mean you love them more, but you provide both the partners with what they need. One partner may want to trek with you, while the other prefers spending time indoors. Having a stay-cation with the former and a long trek with the latter would only result in two overwhelmed and annoyed partners. Thus, equity needs to be established in such relationships, and not equality. Every relationship is distinct and this is true even with polyamorous relationships. You will deal with two distinct people with various needs and preferences. Take the example of your parents; you loved them both equally, but they both had different expectations from you. Applying numbers to relationships may not be the wisest choice in polyamory. "Equity, not equality" is the way to go with these relationships to keep everyone happy.&nbsp;

The Why's and How's of Loving Two People Equally

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.048438063517993961630902440187%2FProcrastination_1.webp?alt=media&token=8f9134e8-755b-402a-b71f-653b2809f51f" alt="File preview" width="400" height="601" />There are times when staring at a blank wall is interesting. And mostly, these are times when your desk nearby with its papers, sticky notes, and laptop screams for your attention. As much as you want to sit staring at the wall, which is not even the part with the pictures on it, but just white paint, your desk won&rsquo;t let you grant its opponent all the attention you wish to. You keep denying your desk&rsquo;s call, but you also don&rsquo;t feel so good about your response. It drives you into a battle between the rebel in you not wanting to sit at the desk for work vs the work itself. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s okay. Everybody procrastinates&rdquo;, you would think as you turn your eyes back at the wall.&nbsp;The term procrastination has been so often used for any scenario where critical work is not given enough importance that it has become a metonym for laziness. We closely associate it with one&rsquo;s inability to manage time, lack of willpower, and the like. But is it the paucity of your time management skills that keeps you hanging indefinitely between responsibility and your action? Procrastination indeed looks like a regulation issue. But what if it isn&rsquo;t about the regulation of time but of your emotions instead?Tim Pychyl, an associate professor of psychology at Carleton University, believes that &ldquo;Procrastination is not a time-management problem, it&rsquo;s an emotion-management problem.&rdquo; In his book &lsquo;Solving the Procrastination Puzzle,&rsquo; he defines procrastination as &ldquo;a voluntary delay of an intended act despite the knowledge that this delay may harm us.&rdquo; As much clarity and truth it holds, this very definition is also one of something that is against human nature. We are inclined to seek satisfaction and happiness and perform deeds that bring us closer to these. Why would you sense danger and still choose to delay your tasks if ticking them off your list is what would make you happy? There could be times where even after allotting a specific slot of your day for a task, you do not find yourself doing it very efficiently.Though time management plays a crucial role in meeting deadlines, it is not the only reason someone slacks off. When properly looked into, procrastination doesn&rsquo;t look like a problem with your time management. Instead, it seems like an emotion-focused coping strategy, wherein your inner critic comes into play. Self-judgment naturally follows, but you should channel it tastefully such that you move forward, offering self-compassion rather than questioning your abilities and sinking in guilt.As Pychyl says, &ldquo;to the extent that I can deal with my emotions, I can stay on task,&rdquo; handling your emotions is essential for working, regardless of how petty it sounds.Gathering ideas to overcome procrastination often results in rumination and self-loathing, taking us further away from the solution. But what is &lsquo;the&rsquo; solution? It is unreasonable to expect to find a single solution to such a complex issue as procrastination. The cause and resolution are not the same for everyone. What could be possible reasons behind this issue that becomes a &lsquo;suffering&rsquo; in the long run?<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.048438063517993961630902440187%2FProcrastination_2.webp?alt=media&token=569ee435-64b8-4434-969a-19d1fe29692b" alt="File preview" width="739" height="492" />Another psychologist named Piers Steel from the University of Calgary wrote a paper called &lsquo;The Nature of Procrastination: A Meta-Analytic and Theoretical Review of Quintessential Self-Regulatory Failure&rsquo;, wherein he reported four major possible causes of procrastination:i) Low Self Confidence: Your willingness to do a task is likely to drop if you are not confident enough about the process and outcome. Being afraid of your inability to meet your expectations and those from others is a cue for your procrastination to rise. Reduce negative self-talk, as this will add layers to your anxiety. Forgive yourself if you make mistakes, but more importantly, appreciate yourself for every move you make.ii) Pleasure derived from the task: It's less probable that you&rsquo;ll delay a task if it's exciting or rewarding enough. The boredom associated with the task plays a higher role than its difficulty in foreseeing the level of procrastination. When you don&rsquo;t feel like working on something, try to find what could be holding you back. Face your negative thoughts related to the task at hand, don&rsquo;t try to run away.iii) Distractibility: Sometimes, it could be that you want to finish a task, but your environment hinders your focus and forces you to do otherwise. Putting away things that are likely to distract you and finding a new domain or modifying your present one to suit yourself will help you stay focused on completing the task.iv) Relaxed deadlines: It's pretty natural to want to take more leisure time before starting a task when you know there is enough time to do it. Doing so might be helpful to relax if carefully worked on, but procrastination usually takes over, dominates, and makes you haste in the last moment. To manage a distant deadline, break it down into smaller deadlines and tackle them every day. Train yourself to finish the work first, and enjoy the remaining time as leisurely as you want.Other factors like denial of consequences and rebelliousness do support these causes.Bringing in some math to his theory, Steel has put the above coworking factors in the form of an equation. The product of your self-confidence and the pleasure from the task, divided by the product of your distractibility and time till deadline, gives your chances of not procrastinating on your task. In simpler terms, the first two factors need to be increased, while the latter two need to be decreased to improve your productivity.People procrastinate differently. The key is to identify your vulnerability and work on it. Hence, this equation can only be used as a guide and not as the final solution to solve the issue. Keep tuning these factors and the others that support them until you are satisfied with the level of mental and situational comfort.Do not see procrastination as a personality problem. It is only an inner critic trying to talk to you. So listen, and communicate through actions!

Procrastination - What is it trying to tell you?

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/article_images%2FIs%20happiness%20a%20Universal%20concept_1.png?alt=media&token=f3a8047b-814e-4ce8-b44b-d0f776449f90" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" />To question the nature of happiness would be too clich&eacute; of an opener, but I am sorry to announce that we&rsquo;re going to have to start like this for the sake of time. If by happiness you mean positive emotions, this piece is not for you. Positive emotions can be good, but if that&rsquo;s the only thing you&rsquo;re chasing, you might just be in a constant state of mania. Trust me, I&rsquo;ve chased them for a long time and can say that with confidence. I still like to do so from time to time because&nbsp;what is life without a little bit of forbidden fruit salad? &nbsp; I like to look at happiness resulting from&nbsp;efforts we have put into ourselves and our lives, resulting&nbsp;in a minimum amount of needless agony. We cannot find ourselves in life without suffering, but we can create a small heaven for ourselves as we slowly head towards death. After which we may land in hell, in which even if you don&rsquo;t believe in it through a religious lens . As one of my favorite&nbsp;quotes lays out, &ldquo;Hell is other people&rdquo;. You&nbsp;might be encouraged to lose a little faith in humanity if you are a cynic. Still, this quote&rsquo;s teaching is based on&nbsp;the idea that other people&rsquo;s judgment&nbsp;will always&nbsp;hold a piece of your identity and subsequently how you evaluate yourself. This is one of the many reasons why social cohesion and cooperation&nbsp;is so important and vital to our survival. It is not a mere superficial modern illusion of ego and looks based approach or a primitive need for tribalism and tribal associations. Social status is important because our existence is heavily connected to our coexistence. Through the individual manifestation of our responsibilities, we can enjoy our rights. Think of it like Karma, do good and get good. And, if Karma does not convince you, do some reading on the &ldquo;Shopping Cart Theory&#39;&#39;, and you might&nbsp;get lost in the rabbit hole of the domino effect in which we all abandon our moral grounds, all starting just with a shopping cart. &nbsp; Now, let&rsquo;s look at heaven and how&nbsp;to lay the foundations of this heaven. Although this can vary amongst people, ages, religions, and cultures, &nbsp;thankfully, certain universals make&nbsp;us all human. We&nbsp;can find common ground about what brings&nbsp;quality into our lives. This can be anything, from a meal with a loved one to a long-overdue&nbsp;phone call with a friend, to doing what you love as a job or having a &nbsp;family that you feel at home with, or even something as simple as taking a walk . &nbsp;The list goes on and on, but you get the gist. It&rsquo;s the little things in life. &nbsp; But how do you get to appreciate those little things as the foundations of life when it is all too human to get consumed by the infamous existential void? &nbsp; The answers to this question are many and plausibly too complex to fit into a book or an article. But let&rsquo;s try and dip our toes into this complex pool for a little bit. A few things&nbsp;have fascinated me more than the overlap between spirituality and the process of growing through the pain that is&nbsp;the unplanned, unforeseen, unlucky and flat out bad experiences in life. I&nbsp;believe that certain human universals constitute&nbsp;the standard for a decent human life with enough happy moments to die satisfied. If you are still intrigued enough to be reading this, try to think of this as a big question mark. So, is happiness based on&nbsp;spirituality, psychoanalysis, or merely the universe and the rules that govern it? And no, I am not a quantum physicist, so I won&rsquo;t be talking about how&nbsp;the universe works. But since we all have the universe inside of us, if&nbsp;we look deep enough, we can find a bit of wisdom hidden through a little piece of the universe, or God, or whatever it is that governs the greater reality that we live in. &nbsp; Suppose&nbsp;we were to look at happiness through the lens of psychology and psychoanalysis. In that case,&nbsp;we can see a bottom line of working through your issues, getting to know, accepting and integrating your shadow and growing into the person that embodies your potential to the fullest extent. Successfully, this results in a life that balances out good relationships with family and loved ones, an acceptable social status to pass on to the next generation (in evolutionary terms), a roof over your head, minimal anxiety for basic survival needs and a feeling of being content with the life you have. &nbsp; If you take a look at spiritual teachings, you will come across the idea of content-ness almost immediately; mindfulness teaches, among many things, the idea that the present moment is all that there is. It is what it is. You&nbsp;can&rsquo;t be happy all the time as that is too unrealistic. You just have to be content, there, in the moment with anything it might bring with it. Unless in a life threatening situation, of course! &nbsp; In the psychological journey, you develop the skills and personality traits to deal with the adversities in your life to&nbsp;take the reigns of your life and structure it so&nbsp;that it is meaningful enough to carry on. Allow&nbsp;me to quote Buddha: &ldquo;Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional&rdquo; . This&nbsp;resonates enough with humans to be attributed to Buddha for some reason. Comparatively, the most popular clinical psychologist and intellectual of our time, Jordan Peterson - whether you like him or not- resonates with an increasingly large audience through a similar message. It is a&nbsp;message that is deeply rooted in the idea of growing and taking responsibility for the things in your control, rather than losing yourself in nihilism and meaningless pursuits. Why do these ideas resonate with people cross-culturally, whether through an ancient philosophy like Buddhism or a clinical psychologist? Is there an overlap between these two? And if yes, does this mean there is a universal truth to what makes a good, happy life? Are we about to discover the key to happiness by the end of this? &nbsp; Probably not, but we can at least hope that we might continue the pursuit of happiness until the end of time, not because we have not obtained it, but to keep it. Survival is not the only reason for living, but after survival comes thriving. If you manage to survive, simple things &nbsp;matter and if you appreciate the little things, greater things will come; you will thrive. Whether you look at this through a spiritual, religious or psychological perspective, life is nothing but a constant pursuit of that little moment of happiness through growth resulting from inevitable challenges&nbsp;included in life.

Is happiness a Universal concept?

<img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.54679646161362231636567170791%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=4893d13f-3ce7-481e-8d20-fef2736b1c06" > You always hear that you should think big if you want to succeed. But since no one told you how or why that works, you never believed it. In this piece, we explore the psychology behind your mindset and how you end up manifesting what you think. Understanding how our minds and bodies work together and more so against each other will allow you to set up systems to automate the right thoughts and, ultimately, the right action to get your most desired result. Don&#39;t get this wrong. This article is not a quick fix of the mindset, and it won&#39;t make you an overnight success, whatever that is for you. Instead, we will break down the working of mindset and explore how we can leverage it for our benefit. Look out for these keywords through the article: Habits. Mindset. Change. Time. Conscious. Subconscious. Our minds and bodies are slow. They love patterns, habits and loops. When given nothing to do, we default to laziness and lethargy. It makes sense; evolutionarily, our bodies are designed to conserve energy and what better way to achieve that than by doing nothing? We default to the same actions and routines. We largely think the same thoughts day after day. We take the same route to the office, meet the same people, eat the same type of food, consume the same content. <img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.54679646161362231636567170791%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=d812ace6-7206-401c-b1c0-d5239ded4b0d" > This routine has significant positive and negative implications. When curated mindfully, you will live a physically and mentally healthier life and are more likely to thrive financially and socially. But it has the potential to make you a slave of your degrading body and mindset. It leads to deterioration of physical and mental health. You then fight to survive and not to thrive. It is not a merry sight to see. Having understood the implications of habits and routines, let&#39;s explore why mindset is essential. Your patterns of thought and worldview collectively form your mindset. Pay attention to the word &#39;Pattern&#39;. It means that out of the approximately 70,000 thoughts in a day, most carry themselves over from the previous day and the day before. Your thoughts run around in circles. Consider this; if what you think is what drives your actions, and your actions determine how your life turns out, your mindset is in the driver&#39;s seat of your life&#39;s car. You now know how habits and mindset control your life. But how to shift your mindset when it does not serve you? Researchers from the College of New South Berlin have found Vitamin B12 to help with thought regulation. They advise taking one tablet a day to make your thoughts more malleable. Sound too good to be true? Because it is. There is no such college, and no such research has been done. But jokes aside. If you have ever been to the gym, you know how painful and time-taking any meaningful change is. Our bodies are slow to adapt, but the good news is that they can adapt to pretty much anything given enough time and repetition. The same is the case with your mindset. You have to retrain your entire thinking process mindfully and consciously to make it work for you. That means being aware of the negative thought patterns, loops and habits. Awareness is then followed by an active effort to turn these loops upside down from detrimental to helpful. It will not be a walk in the park initially, but you will leverage habit-forming to your advantage. These conscious efforts, when sustained over time, will begin to seep and register into your subconscious. <img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.54679646161362231636567170791%2Fimage3.webp?alt=media&token=60f70bc9-026c-4291-838a-d0f1491068a1" > Now, why is that even important? Try sitting down for 15 secs without thinking, and you will quickly notice that thoughts come up without you making any effort to think. It is the subconscious. The involuntary thoughts and actions performed by your body. We like to believe that we control our bodies, but only a tiny part of it is in our control. The rest of it is either involuntary or unconscious behaviours and habits. To train the subconscious to work in your favour and not against you, you first need to condition it by conscious repetition. Habits. Mindset. Change. Time. Conscious. Subconscious. Now let&#39;s connect these dots to visualize an image. Habits and mindset are repeated actions and thoughts, respectively. Changing them is not easy. They require time and sustained conscious effort so that new habits and thought patterns emerge, driven subconsciously to move you towards your goals. What you think is what you do, and your actions determine where you end up. To change the trajectory of your life, you need to change how you think.

Why What You Think Decides Where You Go

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.220565898454474271639211397850%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=2d82e687-a48a-42bf-8bb8-ef9c64fb0c91" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> On any journey, be it an innovative startup or a relationship, the most important thing and often the most difficult is getting people to stick around. For the sake of easiness, you and I will refer to all such undertakings as a venture. But do not confuse these ventures as being the same. Though they might have similar underlines, building a relationship is vastly different from building a startup. So how did we get here? <h3>Vision onboarding</h3> Getting people onboard is not easy. How eager others are to join you on your journey depends on your destination and the path you propose. This is your vision. Where do you see yourself and your venture ending up, say in a few months to a couple of years? You have to sell others how you envision bringing your dream to fruition. If people find their trajectory overlapping or aligning with this journey, they will choose to take a leap of faith and jump aboard. It sounds simple but bear with me. You like everyone else, have a path laid out ahead of you. Even if you don&#39;t know exactly where to go, you might have an idea of where not to. This is equally important, if not more. And only when there is sufficient alignment between two intended paths do people enrol in the proverbial carpool. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.220565898454474271639211397850%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=ba0390d8-a4d7-46e0-911b-d50b9e381d7c" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> As difficult as it is to get people onboard, it is only the first step. What follows is getting to know your fellow travellers and assessing in real-time if they joined for the reasons they claimed and if they are in it for the long haul. <h3> Why is it essential that we find people that are in it for the long haul? </h3> Think of it this way. Today&#39;s tinder generation is habitual of swiping left and right. When matched, the two people embark upon a usual and familiar journey, which entails getting to know each other and finding common ground, which becomes the basis of a new relationship and hopefully avoids any creeps. The getting to know the other part of it is almost scripted. You tend to repeat the same surface level small talk worthy nonsense about you over and over until it gets exhausting to do it. You end up wishing that at least one of these people clicked so that you won&#39;t have to go through this again. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.220565898454474271639211397850%2Fimage3.webp?alt=media&token=e9b3eb4e-57b3-4bf9-99f5-bb061a2c9003" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Similar is a case with organizations and employees. Every new hire comes with huge costs. Cost of productive hours lost, cost of hours spent looking for new people, cost of the actual hiring process, cost of retraining and initiation of the new person into the system, so on and so forth. And these costs are not just monetary but also temporal. And one thing companies and, most importantly, new startups hate is wasting time. Time is their only ally and enemy. So yes, rehiring people over and over sucks. But what can we do to address this? The solution, I believe, is two-fold: From the organization&#39;s side and the individual&#39;s. Let&#39;s look at what companies can do. <ol> <li> Offer better salaries and incentives:&nbsp;Salaries and compensation are about value. If you believe that an individual is adding value to your company, reciprocate it monetarily. It will only push the person to deliver more. But what if you are in a bootstrapped startup? Offer your people something other than money. Trade money today for higher benefits in the future. </li> <li> Give people what they want:&nbsp;There are things people want from their jobs apart from money. It could be more days off, compensation for travel or opportunities for working remotely. Maybe they want to switch job roles and work in a new department altogether. Be as accommodating as you can be, and this way, you will get people to stay with you as they will see their paths aligning with your company&#39;s. </li> <li> Build a positive and safe working environment:&nbsp;This is a no-brainer. People identify with their work, and when that identity is dark and traumatising, they want to distance themselves from it. Do not let that happen. Word travels fast, and more so today in part due to social media. </li> </ol> <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.220565898454474271639211397850%2Fimage4.webp?alt=media&token=f0ee0908-a059-49f4-a4f7-f1f93cdc054f" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> What can employees do? <ol class="c5 lst-kix_kbi4cplktx8d-0 start" start="1"> <li> Realise relationships aren&#39;t built in a day:&nbsp;Every relationship, either personal or professional, requires time and attention to develop. Almost every organisation has a training and orientation period to loop you into their system. And if you jump ship every couple of years, you end up wasting a lot of your time in this way. Remember the tinder analogy? </li> <li> Look for what your company can offer you in addition to money:&nbsp;We have heard enough stories about employees getting paid millions of dollars but not being able to enjoy any of it. Don&#39;t be that person. Find out ways of how your company can make your work life more fulfilling. Ask for medical insurance, allowances, flexible working hours, more vacation days or even the opportunities to work at night if that is your thing and if it can be managed. </li> </ol> We have more choices now than ever before, choices for our partners, and choices for our employers. But developing a good relationship in any of these scenarios requires a lot of time and commitment. Commit to a path and see where it goes for a few years. It is challenging, but ultimately as we see in our relationships, it is the thing that makes life worth living.

How To Get People To Stay?

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0321242839774038561628072884185%2FLed%20Lighted%20Sun_MattheusBiermann_1.webp?alt=media&token=401251ed-e2fa-4375-84ed-ded865f7880c" alt="" /> Social media has an immense influence on the world. It is a gift, but that doesn&rsquo;t seem to be so self-evident. With the Greek myth of Icarus, it is possible to understand why the advantage of social media is not so clear and how we can use it for our benefit. The myth is one of the most famous ones telling the story of Daedalus and his son Icarus, both trapped in a maze until Daedalus, an ingenious craftsman, has the idea of creating wings out of feathers and wax. He successfully develops the wings. However, knowing the dangers of the same, the craftsman warns his son: &ldquo;Take the middle way because the moisture will weigh down your wings if you fly too low. But if you go too high, the sun will scorch them.&rdquo; Ignoring his father&rsquo;s warnings, blinded by the graciousness of flight, Icarus flew too close to the sun and fell to his death. Although the wings were well built, their poor use led to a tragedy. The same is true for social media. With the creation of a digital space where people from all around the world can interact, humanity should be connected and happier since we are social beings. However, this is not the case. The led lights on our smartphones are almost like the sun, shining bright and capturing our attention, falling in love with the notifications of someone liking our photos; we got addicted to the images and forgot the real purpose of those inventions.&nbsp; This forgetting is dangerous since a tool can become a weapon at the moment the purpose of it is changed. And with social media, the danger is the merchandising of happiness, as if while scrolling down or upon our phones, we may find sparks of joy. We do get those sparks. &nbsp;Harvard University researcher Trevor Haynes wrote an article exploring the relation between pumps of dopamine and several tools on the internet, such as posting a picture on Instagram and the notifications we receive on our smartphones. When an individual receives likes, the same is rewarded with a small dose of dopamine, reinforcing that behavior to be anxious if he doesn&rsquo;t receive the likes and &ldquo;happier&rdquo; if more people like the picture. That&rsquo;s basically how any drug works, with those pumps of dopamine reinforcing a habit, and for that matter, Social Media Addiction is a real and serious problem that requires attention. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0321242839774038561628072884185%2FLed%20Lighted%20Sun_MattheusBiermann_2.webp?alt=media&token=e8be00cb-fa96-4513-adad-59cb2758a50b" alt="" width="763" height="486" /> The solution is not to abandon technology and return to a primitive state because that wouldn&rsquo;t be the middle way. It would be &ldquo;flying low&rdquo;, which can also be a problem. However, the understanding of the social media mechanisms is crucial to developing better use of the platforms. Most importantly, one must be cautious not to fly too high and fall for being blinded by the unreal, superficial, and addictive dangers that lurk in social media.

The Connection Between Social Media and Happiness

<img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.321155603259925871636393495345%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=d7a2c47e-a605-43fb-9fae-91a9b09eb5e7" > We must not chain the people in our lives. If we love them for who they are, we must accept that we are only a tiny part of it. There are multiple facets, roles, interests and responsibilities to a person. For them to remain wholesome, they must not be limited to one person or one roIe. If you clip a few feathers of a bird you love to make it fly only in one direction, you will render the bird unable to fly at all. You will lose the essence of the person that you wanted to keep for yourself. Birds look a lot better when they fly, and metaphorically so do humans. When you love someone, you want to be the centre of their universe. You want them to spend all their time with you, and you want them to give all their attention to you. You want them to hang out, eat, sleep only with you, and talk to only you. You feel jealous and betrayed when they spend this time with someone else or put up boundaries to keep that time for themselves. It is not limited to romantic relationships, but it is about any person you come close to, a cousin, friend, or a parent even. You feel like you want to put them in a cage and not let go so that it does not fly away. The intention is noble. You promise to reciprocate all of what they do and give. You give them your time and attention. Even then, you are still caging them. The difference is that the cage is a shiny golden one. We all do this. Sometimes knowingly and unknowingly at others. Take, for instance, how situations change after two people get married. Their personal and social lives shrink, they don&#39;t go out as much, their friends and hobbies take a back seat. They don&#39;t spend as much time alone as they used to. But people fail to realise that everything they did before marriage added to their personalities and made them appealing to their partners in the first place. Take those away, and you hear people saying, &quot;You have changed.&quot; It shouldn&#39;t come as a surprise. If you think that after being with you people have changed, notice the difference in the things they used to do before. If there is a stark contrast, you have your reason. Maybe they used to have a lot of solitude to process a lot more and be more articulate. But now they are so busy with you that they hardly ever get the time. And hence, they don&#39;t register as much or don&#39;t articulate as well. &quot;If you make someone&#39;s life all about you, you will lose them. If you make your life about all someone else, you will lose yourself.&quot; <img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.321155603259925871636393495345%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=5147eedf-282c-4f2b-a807-26ef4be007b7" > Take the case of a parent that devotes their life to their kids. They give up everything they want to raise the child. They stop reading because they are always running after the child and stop going out since the child does not do well socially. They stop going on road trips they loved because the child gets claustrophobic in cars. In this process, they trade their identity as an individual for being a parent. But they deprive the child of the thing they deserve most, their parent. It is not to say that they don&#39;t get pleasure from raising their kid as best they can, but is it all there is to their life? Let&#39;s switch boats and think about the child. It is commonplace for the parent to get burned out. But they don&#39;t have a place to vent. They can&#39;t take a breather, so irritability, lack of patience, and uncontrolled temper start to fester. The parent might also begin to resent the child. Picking up on that irritability and anger, they become the child&rsquo;s default. By now, the child is also used to getting their way and being the centre of attention. Narcissistic tendencies start to develop. They create a sense of entitlement in their lives. Connect the dots. You have a child with narcissistic tendencies, irritability and anger as their default. Not a pretty picture. The parent destroyed the very thing they set out to build and nurture. You now understand the power of caging and clipping feathers. It can cause a lot of harm, even when it comes from a place of appreciation and love. But things are not always so sombre. Suppose the people you love are in the wrong circles, which is ultimately detrimental to them. In that case, you can use selective caging to protect your bird from metaphorical pollution. It is what you do with your children to prevent them from hanging out with the wrong peer group. If loving does not mean you should cage people, it also does not mean they should have free reign to do as they please. Balance is key. Have you ever caged the people you love, or have you ever been caged? Share your story in the comments.

Why Cage the People We Love?

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.392732045901529551628072884675%2FTOXIC%20POSITIVITY_ShilpaSivadas_1.webp?alt=media&token=85238d46-123a-40e8-9e40-2d1d9ec879d5" alt="" width="764" height="509" />The wise Mark Twain once said, "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough&rdquo;. We all say that until we've had a wild night of too much whiskey to drink and wake up the next day with a vile hangover, only to realize that it&nbsp;really&nbsp;was&nbsp;too much&nbsp;whiskey. I like to compare positivity to Mark Twain's whiskey. They both sound like things that could never go wrong, but they can go wrong in so many ways in actuality.&nbsp;It is a common misconception that being constantly and excessively positive is excellent for your mental health. However, the truth is far from it, and people don't always realize that it is crucial to experience the complete range of emotions, both positive and negative. Positive thinking is immensely helpful in coping with stress, and it can enhance resilience, but dismissing all negative emotions and overgeneralizing positivity is where it gets toxic. Toxic positivity or forced happiness is the expectation of being zestful and happy, even in the face of adversities. It comes with myriad repercussions; repressing emotions can cause anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and a general deterioration of mental health. Your unsightly optimism can lead to failures that could have been avoided.&nbsp;Most importantly, negative emotions make you human. As humans, it is nearly impossible to feel no negative emotions, and these serve as coping mechanisms in various life events. No fight in life comes with only positive vibes, and your obsession with positivity could stop you from working towards social justice due to negative emotions such as anger and fear. That is not what we woke folks want now, right?So how does one distinguish good positivity from toxic positivity? Here are some ways to recognize that your positivity has turned toxic:1) You avoid and run away from negative emotions - If you feel awkward whenever you feel sad, angry, scared, or jealous, and if you prefer to simply replace them with positive thoughts instead of "feeling it out", you need to watch out. In the wise words of my therapist, avoidance works, but only temporarily. Imagine shoving a ton of things into a tiny drawer to clean up a messy room. You can overstuff the drawer and shut it tight, but it will only be a while before the drawer bursts open and makes a bigger mess than before. Similarly, these emotions may go away temporarily through avoidance, but they can come back stronger or may even last longer.&nbsp;2) You try hard to find positives in every bad situation - Every cloud may not have a silver lining. Still, if you are persistent in finding one for the sake of staying optimistic, you're getting close to toxic positivity. Everybody goes through tough times, and it is only realistic to say that you cannot always find immediate positives.&nbsp;3) You guilt yourself and others for feeling negative emotions - Everyone has heard phrases like "just move on" or "don't be such a baby" or "be a man" (toxic masculinity alert!). These phrases not only dismiss negative emotions but also lack empathy and compassion. Humans often bond over negative emotions, experiences, and trauma and avoiding these can stop you from connecting with others.&nbsp;4) Overgeneralizing "it is what it is" - People often simplify the idea of stoicism and accept everything without feeling the right emotions for it. Maybe what you are going through is immutable, but that does not mean you don't acknowledge the emotions that come with it. Genuine acceptance can only come after you go through the tsunami of emotions caused by the trauma.&nbsp;5) Frequently minimizing your and other people's experiences - Saying things like "it could be a lot worse" or offering overly positive affirmations at a time of crisis is a telltale sign of toxic positivity. Everyone goes through unique experiences in life, and you cannot measure these emotions on a scale.<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.392732045901529551628072884675%2FTOXIC%20POSITIVITY_ShilpaSivadas_2.webp?alt=media&token=7093ff6c-567c-4276-9e5e-d4f173804cde" alt="" width="765" height="510" />It may almost sound like a lot of our supposedly positive habits are toxic, right? Does that make you a toxic person? Not if you are willing to acknowledge and change these habits. The key to changing these is simple - do not chase the emotions away. Make it a habit to feel every emotion, even the negative ones. Try to get through the feelings rather than getting over them. It is easier said than done, but it is worth the effort. You will notice that your negative emotions are short-lived, and you will feel liberated and recharged, just like you do after a good cry. When you genuinely experience every emotion, you will have a whole new perspective of real, unforced, and unfettered positivity.&nbsp;

Toxic Positivity – The Bad Side of “Being Too Positive”

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.038609244985196911630871191338%2FThe%20Distance%20Embracing%20Model%20Of%20Art_2.webp?alt=media&token=85b20cb9-8d38-4ad6-afbb-327842803a74" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" />Human beings have an inborn desire to express themselves. We as a species are curious, and one way to expand our need for curiosity is through the arts. Art reinforces our imagination and creativity. It enables us to dive deeper into the human consciousness. Art acts as a medium to express our desires and conflicts with a sense of wonder and fascination. It is a mechanism to negotiate with reality. An artist picks up a brush to make peace with their past and hope for a better future.Art makes our reality less ugly, for the colors fill our hearts and mind with a temporary sense of awe. Art keeps us afloat and acts as an emotional compass. Artworks serve as pieces of the puzzle for human existence.&nbsp;Art is a beautiful way of documenting reality, paired with creativity. Through art, we can travel through time and better understand the complexity of our past. Art creates a space where we can communicate with the artist, the creator, through expressions, in any form.&nbsp;Negative emotions are an essential resource for the arts. Negative emotions bring about intense involvement, high memorability and are influential in gripping our attention. Thus, they hold a special place in the memory of events in our life. A fine piece of art attempts to achieve the given characteristics. Thus, art that leads to negative emotions etches a saga in our memory.&nbsp;<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.038609244985196911630871191338%2FThe%20Distance%20Embracing%20Model%20Of%20Art_1.webp?alt=media&token=659d27f1-b221-4763-858d-1691751f8957" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" />The theory of tragedy proposed by Aristotle states that the main aim of tragedy is to bring about a catharsis of spectators &mdash; to give rise to emotions of pity, fear, and hope. So that the spectators leave the theatre feeling cleansed and uplifted. Art is therapeutic. However, the theory of tragedy sounds like a profound contradiction because we want to be happy, right? We seek happiness in art. So why do art forms which lead to negative emotions move us? Since Greek and Latin antiquity, treatises on rhetoric and poetics widely assume that artworks compete for attention, intense emotional involvement, and high memorability (Lausberg 1998; Quintilian 1920). Recent psychological research has provided evidence that many negative emotions have a powerful grip on attention, are intensely felt, are less prone to fade or return to baseline level than positive emotions, and often have access to privileged storage in memory (Cacioppo &amp; Gardner 1999; Frijda 1988; Larsen &amp; Prizmic 2008; Musch &amp; Klauer 2003; Rozin &amp; Royzman 2001; Vaish et al. 2008). The formula "bad is stronger than good" (Baumeister et al. 2001) provocatively summarizes this line of research.&nbsp;The psychologist Winfried Menninghuas has offered the 'distance - embracing' model to explain why we love and appreciate art that brings about negative feelings. Art invites us to embrace our negative emotions. Through art, we learn to sit with the uncomfortable feelings which were unexpressed. Art unearths the feelings that reside in the hidden corners of our minds. Research into different types of pleasure has shown that intellectual and emotional pleasures (including those of art reception) routinely "encompass negative emotions like sadness &hellip; and positive emotions that entail complex appraisal" (Dub&eacute;&amp;LeBel2003,p.291; see also Berenbaum 2002). In contrast, physical pleasures tend to be least affected by concomitant negative emotions (Dub&eacute; &amp; Le Bel 2003).&nbsp;However, when we experience negative emotions while seeing any art form, we distance ourselves from these negative emotions and control them. Thus, through this process, we better understand ourselves and our unexpressed hidden self. Importantly, recent research has shown that chills and goosebumps in art contexts are physiological correlates of states of being emotionally moved (Benedek &amp; Kaernbach 2011; Wassiliwizky et al. 2015).Therefore, we can conclude that art is a way of stumbling on a truth. The fact that life consists of ingrained suffering. Yet, art preserves the pieces of humanity by acting as a mirror for humans. We resort to the idea of art when we experience sorrow. No matter how broken one is, art can mend and comfort even the torn souls.Art is mood, an emotion, a behavior because, through art, one discovers a medium of expression. It helps us connect with our deeper self and realize that true beauty exists in tragedy. Humans are an elegant tragedy, and art molds us into beings of higher consciousness.&nbsp;&nbsp;

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