<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2FUeM7ofxBF0SEPnVIy1a7%2FCreedCafeOnMentalHealth_Creed_1.webp?alt=media&token=85172d00-b8ae-481a-a14b-7b60bb406490" alt="" width="765" height="510" />The Creed Community came together to find ways to help people with mental health problems better. This is how it went.We first discussed the problems surrounding Mental Health:<ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;">High rise in teen anxiety and depression</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Young adult suicides are increasing</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">The communication gap between those who suffer and the people around them</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">The stigma around mental health issues and denial of those issues from Society</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Lack of Psychological First Aid</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">A lot of misinformation about mental health problems float around Social Media</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Trying to diagnose Mental Health problems unprofessionally</li></ol>Then we all came up with solutions about how we can tackle these problems better:<ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;">You must not try to be an expert on the subject </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Practice better listening, rather than advising </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Awareness is important, but not everyone needs to talk about it. Let the professionals take care of sharing the information.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Philosophy and Psychology to be included early in the school</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Governmental normalising of Mental Health problems</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Your depression is not the same as someone else&rsquo;s. Refrain from sharing tips on what would work for the other person.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">REFER TO PROFESSIONALS</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Demand to see the qualifications of your counsellor.</li></ol>What is your takeaway from this discussion?&nbsp;Register to join the discussion in the next Creed Caf&eacute;.&nbsp;

Creed Café on Mental Health

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.101079484322736061639590416753%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=e24a33d8-af14-4fde-aa89-49c15b0ddc7a" alt="File preview" width="700" /> When we hear the word peace, we associate it with ending a war or a nation going through a time of stability. We always look outward when looking for peace, but we forget to look out for ourselves. Are you at peace with yourself? Are you constantly troubled by past experiences or current predicaments? This article will serve as a guide to help you ascertain the importance of inner peace and the steps taken to begin the lifelong process of inner peace. Why is inner peace important? Inner peace keeps our mind and its negative thoughts at bay. It helps us view the path of life much clearer. A state of inner peace removes anxieties, the feeling of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Instead, it is filled with confidence, inner strength, and understanding. Everyone essentially seeks out inner peace, just through different avenues, but the intended outcome is the same. Let&#39;s do a little exercise: as you read this, visualize the scenes I&#39;m about to describe; you are in your dream home, the air is clean, the house is clean, you fear nothing, you want for nothing. All you desire is in your possession or on its way. You have been through some tough challenges, but now that you look back on them, they are minuscule to the rewards they have reaped. You still face challenges, but it&#39;s nothing you can&rsquo;t handle. You are financially free, and all your relationships are flourishing. You can weed out the unnecessary and only attempt to change the things you can. Does that not sound appealing? Now let&#39;s talk about how to get that life you want to live and remember you are happy now and in that life you want. <h3>Goals</h3> <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.101079484322736061639590416753%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=188ccc53-9282-41e8-803d-688ec09e1c4d" alt="File preview" width="700" /> Start by setting clear goals of what you want to achieve. Goals serve as a compass through the storm of life to get to where we need to be. Your daily actions must be in line with your goals, this is the beginning of the self-development stage, and you must constantly seek to develop yourself. You are your greatest asset and most lucrative investment. <h3>Relaxation</h3> Find a form of mental relaxation that works for you. Some prefer to go out on runs, practice meditation or prayer. Focus on things in the sphere of your control; when you worry, ask yourself, &#39;is there anything I can do to change this?&#39; If you cannot change the outcome, you&#39;d rather accept and move on to change things you can. <h3>Do Good</h3> Do good deeds, help out a stranger in need, or check on a friend you have not talked to in a while. They will feel appreciated, and you will feel better. &ldquo;When we leave this earth, we cannot take what we have accumulated but rather what we have given.&rdquo; Ask and don&#39;t make unfound assumptions; you can spend the whole day overthinking, usually the worst when you can easily ask and receive a straight answer. <h3>Emotional Budget</h3> <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.101079484322736061639590416753%2Fimage3.webp?alt=media&token=06c4424f-820b-4b50-aeb0-451d57f4ab19" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Evaluate those around you; are they adding to your life? Do you feel drained after spending time with them? If so, there is no need to subject yourself to that emotional torture. View yourself as a person on an emotional budget. Don&#39;t spend it on negative emotions. Spend time alone and quietly, French philosopher Blaise Pascal said, &quot;All of humanity&#39;s problems stem from man&#39;s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.&quot; Take the time to sort out your day, and you will realize you were making mountains out of molehills. <h3>Appreciation and Gratitude</h3> Lastly, practice gratitude for what you are going through and what you are not going through. Appreciation will lead you to happiness. Imagine deciding you will be happy or grateful when you&#39;re a billionaire, and only after working for years to reach that net worth do you realize you could&#39;ve been happy all along, and worse, you still aren&#39;t happy. Be grateful for the situations you are going through, good or bad. Be at peace with your past, leave it where it belongs and continue to work on yourself in the present and you will have no need to worry about the future.

Maintaining Inner Peace

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.51449044368400791636535997234%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=75ea5fe7-0329-448c-849a-8876eb6cba" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Equanimity is a foundational principle of Stoic philosophy. The ability to bear misfortune with an even temper and not let external circumstances disturb us is considered a sign of strength and character. However, I always felt like this principle was lacking something &ndash; as if a step of the equation still wasn&rsquo;t clear. The Stoic way of life always felt somewhat unbalanced to me. Years later, I came upon the missing link in the equation when I was introduced to the principle of non-attached appreciation. It is a very similar concept to equanimity, but it applies more to things in life we would like to approach&nbsp;rather than things we&rsquo;d prefer to avoid. The simple explanation of non-attached appreciation is this: when good things come into our lives, we can fully enjoy them and appreciate them for what they are. BUT &ndash; we should not become overly attached or get carried away by them. Practicing equanimity and non-attached appreciation can help us balance the challenging demands of life in a healthier way. We don&rsquo;t need to bear the strain of pushing away the pleasant things in life or rigidly maintaining an austere demeanour to find serenity in the face of happiness. But, while enjoying life, we shouldn&#39;t allow ourselves to become entangled with transient pleasures that will cause us to lose focus. So much of human motivation works on the cause and effect mechanism of operant conditioning. When there is a reward present, which can be symbolic or real, we become willing to perform various repetitive behavior(s) to obtain it. In this manner, we are conditioned (motivated) to pursue something in life that we feel is lacking. Furthermore, the schedule of how often these rewards are administered (how often we achieve our goals) significantly contributes to how much we enjoy them. When thinking about non-attached appreciation, I wondered what would happen if the schedule of administering rewards became inconsistent at times or was even removed entirely at others? The answer is extinction. No reward = no motivation = conditioned behavior ceases. The research that psychologists scientifically conducted in the mid 20th&nbsp;century effectively confirmed an observation about life that spiritual teachers made thousands of years ago. When the effects of the reward are removed, it leads to the extinction of craving or desire, and motivation must then take on a different quality. If there is no carrot dangling on the end of the stick, the donkey will stop dead in its tracks. Realizing this caused me to pause and consider the idea of non-attached appreciation on a deeper level. Since the practice of non-attached appreciation is supposed to help guide us along a path that leads away from suffering, is the elimination of suffering the only motivation to do it? Because non-attachment is a difficult path to practice and requires a significant amount of energy &ndash; especially at first. And human beings are biologically wired to conserve energy so that we can pursue the next reward that appears on the horizon. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.51449044368400791636535997234%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=fe3b1f37-f8b9-44b2-b9ba-d7ccb41d380c" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Often when we are in great pain, we will do almost anything to stop it. But when we feel fine, perhaps we seldom see the need to make such an effort. And when we are feeling pleasure, it&#39;s hard not to be controlled by the fear of missing out. So why might someone decide to pursue a path of non-attachment in life? I believe that these four insights can help us to discern the positive motivations behind this choice: <ol> <li> <h3>Duty</h3> We are compelled by a sense of personal obligation to commit to or refrain from certain behaviors because it is right and good and in holding with the higher principles that we choose to live by. </li> <li> <h3>Spontaneity</h3> A life that is primarily structured around a rigid set of duties quickly becomes static and unfulfilling. By learning to fully appreciate the small, spontaneous moments that occur each day &ndash; we find a source of joy that can often surprise us when we least expect it. This leads us to approach life with a greater sense of gratitude instead of just living for our expectations to be met all of the time. It can also help to restore our curiosity about life - which may have faded over time. </li> <li> <h3>Serenity</h3> The tranquility that comes from letting go of the constant pursuit of better experiences helps us feel rested and refreshed. The sense of contentment that arises from performing tasks well is certainly rewarding. And remembering the small joys that arise in life and taking delight in them helps complete us. Have you ever experienced a moment in life when you felt absolutely content and needed nothing? Do you recall what happened to your sense of motivation at the time? </li> <li> <h3>Freedom</h3> all of us are addicted to something in this life, however insignificant we believe it to be. Some addictions are more harmful than others, but they all cause some sort of damage. Non-attached appreciation helps us address the root causes of the state of dis-ease that nourishes these addictions. Practicing makes it easier to finally walk away from the destructive cycles of repetitive craving and suffering that we perpetuate in our lives.&nbsp; </li> Practicing non-attached appreciation can also help to motivate us in the negative sense as well. <li> <h3>Avoiding Entrapment</h3> Consistently practicing non-attachment also helps us not to get entangled in things that will eventually result in entrapment and stagnation. Many fleeting pleasures that we are constantly chasing in life often continue to extract a substantial cost from us, even long after they have stopped providing us with rewards. </li> </ol> Practicing equanimity and non-attached appreciation may seem like a sure way to miss out on all of the best that life has to offer. But it is unwise to think of the quality of life they help cultivate as being diminished or elevated &ndash; it is merely different. It&#39;s like comparing a rose bush to a pear tree. To continue with the analogy, the pear tree also cannot morph into a rose bush whenever it feels like it. Naturally developing and yielding its own particular fruit is what it does all of the time. Similarly, if we decide to refrain from practicing these principles regarding attachment only when things become difficult, we also tend to run into problems. It&#39;s like the difference between studying diligently for an examination vs furiously cramming the night before. Lazy practice will set you up for inevitable failure because you miss out on both&nbsp;the short-term benefits from always chasing your impulses (attachment) and the long-term benefits of non-attachment. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.51449044368400791636535997234%2Fimage3.webp?alt=media&token=989b67ef-c001-44fe-9ca3-03a10b2d47d0" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> Over time, I often find that my sense of motivation undergoes significant changes. The things that I previously wanted or cared about the most in life are not necessarily the same things that continue to motivate me today. It&rsquo;s good not to become attached to pursuing temporary rewards that often have a way of providing diminishing returns over time. One of the best parts about developing non-attached appreciation is that the best time to begin practicing is now. And this is still true whether you&#39;ve been practicing for three months or thirty years. By addressing the root causes that underlie your sense of motivation and examining your relationship with them, you can meaningfully change the quality of your life. And that&rsquo;s something to smile about.

Discovering Stoicism’s Missing Link

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.7928762051668031631036323697%2FLOVE%20A%20CAREFUL%20CHOICE%20OR%20AN%20UNCONTROLLABLE%20EMOTION_1.webp?alt=media&token=9d319240-a5ea-4f70-bb9c-1222231fb7f0" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" />Friedrich Nietzsche quoted once, "There is always madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." Love. Some call it a mere chemical reaction, while some prefer being more hearts-and-flowers with the definition. Others may even call it a daunting mission that sucks the life out of them. But I am not here to define love; as it is not as simple as people try to make it. What intrigued me was this question- is love a conscious choice or an uncontrollable feeling? Post hours of research and intense contemplation, here's what I discovered.Falling in love is easy; it happens almost so inadvertently that it requires little effort. New relationships are rosy and joyful, and people constantly think about their partners and wish to spend time with them. However, this "honeymoon phase" fades, leaving people questioning their relationships and chemistry. That is when the question of love being a choice or a feeling surfaces.&nbsp;First, let us look at love as a feeling. After all, you "feel" something from within during those first few interactions. The butterflies in your stomach, the daydreaming, and that rush when you see them- those are all beautiful feelings and seldom conscious choices. But feelings usually fade, and this stands true for relationships. Such sentiments are unreliable and transient, and their retreat causes doubts and distress. These feelings also leave people stuck in toxic relationships and prevent them from quitting damaging bonds. Ask any couple who has been together for a few decades, and they will confirm that it isn't just "feelings" that kept them together. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.7928762051668031631036323697%2FLOVE%20A%20CAREFUL%20CHOICE%20OR%20AN%20UNCONTROLLABLE%20EMOTION_2.webp?alt=media&token=056cec42-2e49-460f-8dc4-c0932224b59f" alt="File preview" width="701" height="468" />Then why do people believe that love is a choice? People choose to continue loving their partners. They are determined to look beyond or accept their partner's flaws. They make up their minds to love their better half every day, regardless of their feelings. But seeing love as a choice isn't always ideal. Humans need their choices and decisions to be right all the time. They think that their partners should also "choose" to be perfect, as everything is ultimately a choice. However, with matters of the heart, things aren't that simple. It is almost as unrealistic as telling someone to "chill" and them chilling instantly.&nbsp;Seeing love as merely a choice also invalidates the struggles of those stuck in toxic or abusive relationships. People look at an abusive relationship and question the victim for not ending things, as it is ultimately their choice. Individuals in such relationships are often trapped in a web of manipulation, lies, and fear. They also suffer from low self-esteem and loneliness. In some cultures, they may maintain such relationships because of the involvement of families. An influential psychological phenomenon to be considered in such relationships is intermittent reinforcement. A reward is offered by the abuser whenever the individual performs a desired activity, but only sometimes. The desire for this reward makes the person desperately repeat these activities, hoping to get rewarded with love, attention, or whatever they want. This action-reward system gets so hard-wired into the brain that people get addicted to the relationship, leaving them stuck in the circle of abuse. In such cases, it is rarely about love, let alone it being a feeling or a choice.&nbsp;So what exactly is love? Love is a skill. One that everyone can learn, and some can outclass. Being considerate, patient, kind, mindful, and supportive simultaneously requires expertise. We cannot grasp these effortlessly, like any other skill. It takes years of learning and experience to master this skill. This skill is crucial not only to continue loving someone but also to know when to stop loving someone. Knowing when to leave a relationship is an important element to this skill, one that could save you pain and trauma. When you perfect this art, you can better understand people and their circumstances to make smarter decisions. This understanding helps one differentiate a good relationship or feeling from a toxic one. Love is both a feeling and a choice at some point, but it has to be a skill for it to live long and be fruitful. Thus, the goal should be to gain expertise in this skill, not categorize it as a choice or feeling.

Love: A Careful Choice or an Uncontrollable Emotion?

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.49405824429971371628614727299%2FGrounding%20through%20Art_Aashiqa_1.webp?alt=media&token=f58cb8e9-af1a-46c2-a803-98365faa2176" alt="" width="477" height="716" />You wouldn't feel anxiety if you were indeed in the present moment.&nbsp;"If you feel anxiety or depression, you are not in the present. You are either anxiously projecting the future or depressed and stuck in the past." &ndash; Tobe Hanson, Performance Coach and Author of 'The Four Seasons Way of Life.'Consider a ball of yarn. When let a little loose from one end, such that the yarn can roll out as a single strand, the ball continues to release more free thread with every turn it takes on the other end. The strand does not take a singular straight path. Some parts of it fall upon others, looping and piling at times until the whole ball disappears &ndash; into a messy pile of yarn. It is cumbersome to roll it back into the ball it was before the fall. To bring it back to exactly like it was &ndash; impossible!How are our minds any different from such a ball of yarn? It's not uncommon to find ourselves zoning out at times, imagining scenarios that do not help our inner peace. All minds don't react the same way; many factors could have swayed an individual's growth and development, influencing the mind. Some minds are more stable than others and co-operate reasonably to regain the lost focus. Some minds tend to slip ahead, strand out quicker and more easily than the others, making it difficult to recollect the misplaced focus. The latter is how the minds of anxious people work.&nbsp; Their thoughts and feelings add up, one upon the other, similar to a string, forming a heap that's disturbing as well as indiscernible.Some people have to keep doing something 'efficient', which captures their focus because their minds are like slippery and quick-rolling balls of yarn that clutter, when let even a little loose. When the mind goes abuzz with such overwhelming chaos, the breath goes out of rhythm and continues to remain so until the person finally notices his jaws clenched and shoulders tensed. A heavy sigh follows, trying to get the breath pattern back. Imagine this happening every day, multiple times even. Isn't it hard when we take a long time to realize that we need to get ourselves back to the present? Well, the damage would have been done already.<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.49405824429971371628614727299%2FGrounding%20through%20art_Aashiqa_2.webp?alt=media&token=79f3f276-bcbe-4cc3-8e74-f3e0aa8a548b" alt="" width="763" height="508" />It gets easier to tackle this problem through 'grounding.' What is grounding, and what can you do to ground yourself?&nbsp;In simple words, grounding refers to activities, at times, as simple as breathing, that help coax your mind to realize that you are in the present and be aware of your surroundings, the environment, and your feelings within. There are a variety of grounding techniques that professionals suggest. One of them is Therapy through Art!Art and Grounding:Our minds are naturally searching for creativity and ways of expressing. Art is synonymously associated with creativity and hence is indeed a medium of grounding. It has been practiced professionally and proven to be a valid grounding route, introducing a whole field called 'Art Therapy' that integrates the disciples of Art and Psychology.&nbsp; It is now widely accepted and implemented worldwide in schools, hospitals, military bases, and personal therapy plans.As a therapy method, Art Therapy is considered the most convenient of all, since one can practice it regardless of age, without needing any licensed guidance. The goal is to be more aware, satisfied, and to find joy in the process.Following is how Art helps the mind:<ul> <li> It calms the nervous system:</li></ul>One of the most impressive benefits of art therapy is an instant feeling of calmness. From what could be because of patterns, colors, swirls of paint, and synchronized hand movement, the noise inside the mind quiets down, lightening the muscles in the body and syncing one's breath and heartbeat. We attain clarity of thoughts consequently, allowing one to take in the reality of their situation, resolve inner conflicts, and to be free of any worries.<ul> <li> It increases Self- Awareness:</li></ul>When we offer an outlet to one's vulnerability, self-awareness follows. Often while painting, drawing, or engaging in any Art, one's creativity is exhibited in such a way that it is associated with their emotions. What is expressed without finds its roots within. This way, by focusing on creativity, one focuses on their subconscious feelings and discovers new aspects of their character.<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.49405824429971371628614727299%2FGrounding%20through%20art_Aashiqa_3.webp?alt=media&token=fcfe5b33-662f-48c9-aa88-a276e344e9a3" alt="" width="764" height="502" /><ul> <li>&nbsp;It encourages creative Self-Expression:</li></ul>For those who struggle with anxiety, understanding feelings, or handling emotions, Art can serve as a safe platform to express things they may otherwise find extremely hard to share. Whether done individually or with a therapist's aid, the artist will find compassion in the process for themself to express constructively and creatively. Expressing in this manner would help them feel deeply, acknowledge and inspect their various emotions.The next time you feel like you may slip into unnecessary thinking, grab a book, some colored pencils, paint, or markers. Unleash whatever your mind proposes. Embrace the inner child in you, and grant credits to your mind, body, and soul for being able to produce your hidden self so beautifully. You'll look at your hands, find them messy and yet, smile.

Grounding through Art – In search of the present

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.52485430586477431631036480229%2F4ec66f95-1f32-48ae-b199-3932d03a2afd.webp?alt=media&token=e0c4b6a0-2fec-46ae-9505-ffff84cfb689" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> People have always equated romantic relationships to monogamy. They consider love as a feeling that occurs between no more than two people. When a person argues to be in love with more than one person, we tend to brush these feelings off as a crush or an infatuation. But this is not always true. What if you love more than one person equally and passionately? If love is a choice, why can't we choose to love two people equally? Also, is loving your partners equally possible or even necessary? Love is a complicated emotion. A person typically loves more than one person in their lifetime, including their parents, siblings, pets, and friends among others. You are also attracted to more than one person at a time. But to understand whether you can love more than one person, the key is to distinguish love from attraction. When you are attracted to someone, your body goes through a series of chemical reactions that result in a powerful yet temporary sense of connection. Love is different because it takes time to develop and lasts longer. Upon understanding the difference between genuine love and attraction, we look at the idea of being in love with two people simultaneously. Falling in love with two people is not easy; it requires immense patience and investment. However, several experienced individuals have stated that it is certainly possible. You can fall in love with two people for entirely different reasons, and both these reasons could be equally valid. You fall in love with one person for the way you get adventurous with them, and you love another person for the way you feel safe around them. With both of them, your brain releases hormones that make you fall in love. Ultimately, love is a choice at some point. For the same reason, you will have to choose the next step by considering the various factors at play.&nbsp; Assume you are in a polyamorous relationship. It is commendable if one does manage an arrangement that allows a happy polyamorous relationship. But is it possible to love both/all partners equally? More importantly, is it necessary? Let us look at a polyamorous relationship where a person has two partners. The person can surely love both partners equally. If love is a choice, we can choose how to love our partners. But if you examine the emotions involved while falling in love, this statement may not hold because, well, emotions are uncontrollable.. But why is it necessary to love both partners equally? It isn't. Loving two people in an equal sense would mean offering the same things to both partners or doing everything twice. Doing this is not only impractical but also unnecessary. Equity is what matters in such relationships. Both the partners may need entirely different things from you.&nbsp; One partner may require a lot of alone time, while the other would love to spend most of their spare time with you. In such a case, spending more time with the latter does not mean you love them more, but you provide both the partners with what they need. One partner may want to trek with you, while the other prefers spending time indoors. Having a stay-cation with the former and a long trek with the latter would only result in two overwhelmed and annoyed partners. Thus, equity needs to be established in such relationships, and not equality. Every relationship is distinct and this is true even with polyamorous relationships. You will deal with two distinct people with various needs and preferences. Take the example of your parents; you loved them both equally, but they both had different expectations from you. Applying numbers to relationships may not be the wisest choice in polyamory. "Equity, not equality" is the way to go with these relationships to keep everyone happy.&nbsp;

The Why's and How's of Loving Two People Equally

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.392732045901529551628072884675%2FTOXIC%20POSITIVITY_ShilpaSivadas_1.webp?alt=media&token=85238d46-123a-40e8-9e40-2d1d9ec879d5" alt="" width="764" height="509" />The wise Mark Twain once said, "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough&rdquo;. We all say that until we've had a wild night of too much whiskey to drink and wake up the next day with a vile hangover, only to realize that it&nbsp;really&nbsp;was&nbsp;too much&nbsp;whiskey. I like to compare positivity to Mark Twain's whiskey. They both sound like things that could never go wrong, but they can go wrong in so many ways in actuality.&nbsp;It is a common misconception that being constantly and excessively positive is excellent for your mental health. However, the truth is far from it, and people don't always realize that it is crucial to experience the complete range of emotions, both positive and negative. Positive thinking is immensely helpful in coping with stress, and it can enhance resilience, but dismissing all negative emotions and overgeneralizing positivity is where it gets toxic. Toxic positivity or forced happiness is the expectation of being zestful and happy, even in the face of adversities. It comes with myriad repercussions; repressing emotions can cause anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and a general deterioration of mental health. Your unsightly optimism can lead to failures that could have been avoided.&nbsp;Most importantly, negative emotions make you human. As humans, it is nearly impossible to feel no negative emotions, and these serve as coping mechanisms in various life events. No fight in life comes with only positive vibes, and your obsession with positivity could stop you from working towards social justice due to negative emotions such as anger and fear. That is not what we woke folks want now, right?So how does one distinguish good positivity from toxic positivity? Here are some ways to recognize that your positivity has turned toxic:1) You avoid and run away from negative emotions - If you feel awkward whenever you feel sad, angry, scared, or jealous, and if you prefer to simply replace them with positive thoughts instead of "feeling it out", you need to watch out. In the wise words of my therapist, avoidance works, but only temporarily. Imagine shoving a ton of things into a tiny drawer to clean up a messy room. You can overstuff the drawer and shut it tight, but it will only be a while before the drawer bursts open and makes a bigger mess than before. Similarly, these emotions may go away temporarily through avoidance, but they can come back stronger or may even last longer.&nbsp;2) You try hard to find positives in every bad situation - Every cloud may not have a silver lining. Still, if you are persistent in finding one for the sake of staying optimistic, you're getting close to toxic positivity. Everybody goes through tough times, and it is only realistic to say that you cannot always find immediate positives.&nbsp;3) You guilt yourself and others for feeling negative emotions - Everyone has heard phrases like "just move on" or "don't be such a baby" or "be a man" (toxic masculinity alert!). These phrases not only dismiss negative emotions but also lack empathy and compassion. Humans often bond over negative emotions, experiences, and trauma and avoiding these can stop you from connecting with others.&nbsp;4) Overgeneralizing "it is what it is" - People often simplify the idea of stoicism and accept everything without feeling the right emotions for it. Maybe what you are going through is immutable, but that does not mean you don't acknowledge the emotions that come with it. Genuine acceptance can only come after you go through the tsunami of emotions caused by the trauma.&nbsp;5) Frequently minimizing your and other people's experiences - Saying things like "it could be a lot worse" or offering overly positive affirmations at a time of crisis is a telltale sign of toxic positivity. Everyone goes through unique experiences in life, and you cannot measure these emotions on a scale.<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.392732045901529551628072884675%2FTOXIC%20POSITIVITY_ShilpaSivadas_2.webp?alt=media&token=7093ff6c-567c-4276-9e5e-d4f173804cde" alt="" width="765" height="510" />It may almost sound like a lot of our supposedly positive habits are toxic, right? Does that make you a toxic person? Not if you are willing to acknowledge and change these habits. The key to changing these is simple - do not chase the emotions away. Make it a habit to feel every emotion, even the negative ones. Try to get through the feelings rather than getting over them. It is easier said than done, but it is worth the effort. You will notice that your negative emotions are short-lived, and you will feel liberated and recharged, just like you do after a good cry. When you genuinely experience every emotion, you will have a whole new perspective of real, unforced, and unfettered positivity.&nbsp;

Toxic Positivity – The Bad Side of “Being Too Positive”

<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0142054683348544761631040060663%2FThe%20Non-Pursuit%20of%20Happiness_1.webp?alt=media&token=432a9687-e01d-48b4-8d14-45c85fd54726" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> It doesn&rsquo;t take much looking around to find overly sentimental or simplistic quotes about happiness. Everybody seems to have something to share with us about the subject. Here are a few examples:&nbsp; <ul> <li> &nbsp; &nbsp; &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t let anything get in the way of your happiness.&rdquo;&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li> &nbsp; &nbsp; "To be happy, you must be your own sunshine."&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li> &nbsp; &nbsp; &ldquo;Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.&rdquo;&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li> &nbsp; &nbsp; &ldquo;Life is full of choices. Choose to be happy!&rdquo;&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li> &nbsp; &nbsp; &ldquo;Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness!&rdquo;&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li> &nbsp; &nbsp; &ldquo;Act the way you want to feel.&rdquo;&nbsp;</li> </ul> Having my mind soiled by slogans like this used to infuriate me. Now I find them so ridiculous that they seem to take on more of a comic quality instead. It&rsquo;s not even the triteness of any particular message that I find so obnoxious; it's more about the overall condescending tone and not-so-subtle hints of bullshit.&nbsp; Happiness IS essential to us all. Silly quotes and toxic positivity aside, we need to manage our psychological health and well-being to derive some sense of satisfaction from this life. Or else why keep going on? If I had the chance to go back in time and share one idea about happiness with my younger self, it would be this: The concept of happiness covers a broad spectrum of meanings, and it&rsquo;s certainly not the same for all people. There is a big difference between constantly chasing an elevated quality of happiness based on always grasping for &lsquo;better&rsquo; or &lsquo;more&rsquo; versus letting your happiness arise spontaneously from a well-grounded and consistent practice of daily living. If I consistently strive for happiness and treat it as an end unto itself, then typically, reaching and sustaining it becomes dependent on meeting various external conditions, often beyond my locus of control. If most of my conditions for things to be 'good' are met, I will be happy. If just some of my many conditions are met, then my happiness will begin to fade. If few or none of my conditions are met, then I will be miserable. Time factors into the equation as well, since it&rsquo;s never quite enough just getting what we need right now to make us happy. We find that we will also always need more of whatever it is for the future. And so, there is always another carrot (reward) dangling in front of us that we must keep moving towards. &nbsp;Now we find ourselves on the hedonic treadmill of life, constantly pursuing some externally conditioned version of happiness. Economies rely heavily on it. Social relationships often build around it. Most of all, we are convinced that we need it to live, and if we don't get it, then the entire world is an awful place. The relentless pursuit of a conditional ideal of happiness has the potential to become one of the most significant sources of existential frustration and misery in our lives. It makes us regret the past, leaves us discontent with the present, and creates a sense of fear and anxiety about the future. &nbsp;The thing about life is that it goes on regardless of whether we are happy or not. I keep breathing, whether I'm ecstatic or dejected. The sun rises and sets whether I'm morose or elated. The universe is indifferent to our happiness or suffering. But to us, it seems essential &ndash; often the most important thing in our lives.&nbsp; &nbsp;If things tend to break your way a lot in life, if you are lucky, or won the genetic/birth lottery, so to speak, then it's often relatively easy to maintain a consistent state of conditional happiness. You had it all along, it was never really taken away from you, and you go along in life feeling quite satisfied with yourself. And there is nothing inherently wrong with living a basic or superficial life like that. If it makes you happy and you can get away with it, then, by all means, do it!&nbsp; &nbsp;The problem is, we also live in a universe that is impermanent and constantly changing. Statistically speaking, the odds of a person making it unscathed by some misfortune are fairly slim. Some &lsquo;lucky&rsquo; individuals seem to skate through life without a scratch &ndash; but most of us suffer at least a little, or sadly, a lot. <img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0142054683348544761631040060663%2FThe%20Non-Pursuit%20of%20Happiness_2.webp?alt=media&token=fe16337f-e2c8-4ae8-bb83-2450853e189e" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> So how can we try to be happy then?&nbsp; &nbsp;First - Quit obsessing about it. Stop chasing after happiness like it&rsquo;s some kind of life goal to be achieved. It can&rsquo;t and won&rsquo;t be possessed or held by us forever. Happiness comes; it stays for a while, then it leaves. Hopefully, it returns in some new form or another, and preferably soon. It's essential to cultivate things in life that are likely to lead to long-term satisfaction. But they still generally follow the same pattern of coming and going, rising and falling over time. The sooner we make peace with the entropy that permeates everything around us and inside of us, the less time we will spend fighting in vain against the current. &nbsp;Second - Since we aren't spending our days and nights in the constant pursuit (obsession) over conditional happiness, what do we do with ourselves with all of our free time instead? The answer is that we take that time to build character and get to know ourselves. We cultivate the ability to withstand the bad times better when they come, learn not to waste energy clinging to the good times when they inevitably depart and develop a sense of gratitude for when the beautiful things in life do finally arrive. &nbsp;Easier said than done, I know.&nbsp; Because honestly, it seems like a lot more fun to gamble and play the game than to spend time doing the heavy lifting and asking difficult questions. Plus, it might make you seem a little different to others &ndash; perhaps even weird. Most people are already on a happiness treadmill of some kind, and they are convinced that you should be too if you want to get the best of what the world offers. The world is filled with dangling carrots. Quite often, nobody wants to hear about someone else who has disavowed chasing these types of prizes &ndash; and taking this sort of position amplifies the lack of common ground between them. &nbsp;I tried chasing happiness in my life for a long time. Some people that I have known have had much better luck than me, others far worse. But in the end, I found that the whole game was exhausting &ndash; and it often seemed rigged. So, I decided that I needed to explore some alternate pathways in life instead. And the greater amount of time that I spent away from the happiness treadmill, the less I found that I missed it.&nbsp; &nbsp;Because when your happiness isn&rsquo;t as dependent on conditional things, it makes it a lot harder for the world to snatch it away from you. And the low-hanging fruit in life often has a way of being the first to spoil - even when you manage to store some of it up. &nbsp;This choice isn't an all-or-nothing scenario. It&rsquo;s a balancing act. Your life choices will trend in one direction or another. You could shift the balance of your life's satisfaction to external and conditional things outside of yourself. Or you could focus on developing resilience and making peace with life on its own terms. Either way, you choose a path daily, and you have to keep walking it. &nbsp;<img src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.0142054683348544761631040060663%2FThe%20Non-Pursuit%20of%20Happiness_3.webp?alt=media&token=33769263-9481-4a61-8edc-848dec0def93" alt="File preview" width="700" height="466" /> &nbsp;It&rsquo;s important to understand from the start that it&rsquo;s unlikely you will ever arrive at some fixed destination in life where you suddenly release all of these conditional attachments to happiness and gain enlightenment. But you can start by taking care of one thing in your life at a time, do it to the best of your current ability, and then move on to the next thing - similar to weeding a garden. This process of releasing long-held goals to root around in the dirt of the self can be pretty painful at first, but in time, you will grow more accustomed to it. Considering these ideas today, I&rsquo;m not entirely sure if my younger self would have fully embraced them or laughed at them and tossed them away. The dangling carrots were both plentiful and far more novel back then. At this point in life, I suppose I'm just content to be fortunate enough to have done my time on the happiness treadmill and still had a chance to jump off and look for something different. &nbsp;I&rsquo;m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round. I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round, I just had to let it go. - &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; John Lennon

The Non-Pursuit of Happiness

<img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.95060762475388861635087782163%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=06996007-6580-4d52-945c-7ef69de2f915" >Unselfishness is not an inherent human quality.Selfishness is a human fact. Unselfishness is a non-fact. Human beings are born selfish. It is simply that our selfishness tones down with time. When a child comes out of his mother&rsquo;s womb, he cries unstoppably - out of selfishness. The child was utterly comfortable inside his mother&rsquo;s womb, and suddenly he is out, which causes him discomfort, and hence, the act of weeping is selfishness. It is an innocent yet desperate cry to revive his comfort back.As you grow up, you observe selfishness is a troublesome quality to have. You get yelled at by your parents and teachers, you struggle with building trust with people, and you realize that if you continue to be selfish, you will be alienated from the world. Gradually, you understand the value of compromise. The fact that the ideal way to act in the world is by being unselfish, to give without expecting anything in return. To give for the sake of giving.But, the very act of cultivating unselfishness within yourself is not pure unselfishness. It is but an indirect form of selfishness. It implies, you cleverly adopt an appearance that seems empathetic and unselfish, but that appearance is merely a deception you use, a means to a selfish end. Now, this behavior starts manifesting itself in different areas of life - in love, friendships, relationships, and beyond.We like the idea of unselfishness and are yet driven by our selfish interests, which makes us a vessel of selfishness disguised as trustable and selfless. And, that&rsquo;s the tragedy.<img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.95060762475388861635087782163%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=113cc53f-a3ff-4289-9bb6-abb63a0de5f7" >&ldquo;The problem with unselfishness is that you cannot be unselfish and yet attached.&rdquo;The core necessity of unselfishness is absolute detachment from the worldly world. Unselfishness is a side-effect. To cultivate it as if it exists externally means you are trying to create a side-effect without having the source that spurts the side-effect.Let&rsquo;s take love as an example. Only unselfish love can be everlasting, and it&rsquo;s a fact, not a perception. The relationship issues that have become so ridiculously common are a result of selfish love. Two people uniting and using each other as a means to their selfish ends. They&rsquo;ve concealed their selfishness so profoundly in an unselfish appearance that even they do not realize that it is their selfish interests that govern their actions. They&rsquo;re so tremendously selfish because they&rsquo;re desperately attached to the transitory and ephemeral pleasures of the world. And hence, they cannot cultivate unselfishness any more than its tentative appearance.Only a man who is detached is unselfish. I don&rsquo;t have to explain any further. You can see it for yourself.Visualize a state of mind where you are totally detached from the world - a world that caters to your pleasures and keeps you trapped in its chase perpetually. In that very visualization, you&rsquo;ll find unselfishness, the true form of it, and in that, you&rsquo;ll discover absolute freedom. Unselfishness for the sake of unselfishness. And it is only through detachment that you can ever attach to the world and its people truly. Because until then, you&rsquo;re nothing but a slave to your own pool of endless needs. So, the problem with the kind of unselfishness you&rsquo;re trying to cultivate and what the motivational speakers, gurus, or social workers preach - is selfishness itself.

The Problem With Unselfishness

<img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.321155603259925871636393495345%2Fimage1.webp?alt=media&token=d7a2c47e-a605-43fb-9fae-91a9b09eb5e7" > We must not chain the people in our lives. If we love them for who they are, we must accept that we are only a tiny part of it. There are multiple facets, roles, interests and responsibilities to a person. For them to remain wholesome, they must not be limited to one person or one roIe. If you clip a few feathers of a bird you love to make it fly only in one direction, you will render the bird unable to fly at all. You will lose the essence of the person that you wanted to keep for yourself. Birds look a lot better when they fly, and metaphorically so do humans. When you love someone, you want to be the centre of their universe. You want them to spend all their time with you, and you want them to give all their attention to you. You want them to hang out, eat, sleep only with you, and talk to only you. You feel jealous and betrayed when they spend this time with someone else or put up boundaries to keep that time for themselves. It is not limited to romantic relationships, but it is about any person you come close to, a cousin, friend, or a parent even. You feel like you want to put them in a cage and not let go so that it does not fly away. The intention is noble. You promise to reciprocate all of what they do and give. You give them your time and attention. Even then, you are still caging them. The difference is that the cage is a shiny golden one. We all do this. Sometimes knowingly and unknowingly at others. Take, for instance, how situations change after two people get married. Their personal and social lives shrink, they don&#39;t go out as much, their friends and hobbies take a back seat. They don&#39;t spend as much time alone as they used to. But people fail to realise that everything they did before marriage added to their personalities and made them appealing to their partners in the first place. Take those away, and you hear people saying, &quot;You have changed.&quot; It shouldn&#39;t come as a surprise. If you think that after being with you people have changed, notice the difference in the things they used to do before. If there is a stark contrast, you have your reason. Maybe they used to have a lot of solitude to process a lot more and be more articulate. But now they are so busy with you that they hardly ever get the time. And hence, they don&#39;t register as much or don&#39;t articulate as well. &quot;If you make someone&#39;s life all about you, you will lose them. If you make your life about all someone else, you will lose yourself.&quot; <img alt="" src="https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/creed-community.appspot.com/o/images%2F0.321155603259925871636393495345%2Fimage2.webp?alt=media&token=5147eedf-282c-4f2b-a807-26ef4be007b7" > Take the case of a parent that devotes their life to their kids. They give up everything they want to raise the child. They stop reading because they are always running after the child and stop going out since the child does not do well socially. They stop going on road trips they loved because the child gets claustrophobic in cars. In this process, they trade their identity as an individual for being a parent. But they deprive the child of the thing they deserve most, their parent. It is not to say that they don&#39;t get pleasure from raising their kid as best they can, but is it all there is to their life? Let&#39;s switch boats and think about the child. It is commonplace for the parent to get burned out. But they don&#39;t have a place to vent. They can&#39;t take a breather, so irritability, lack of patience, and uncontrolled temper start to fester. The parent might also begin to resent the child. Picking up on that irritability and anger, they become the child&rsquo;s default. By now, the child is also used to getting their way and being the centre of attention. Narcissistic tendencies start to develop. They create a sense of entitlement in their lives. Connect the dots. You have a child with narcissistic tendencies, irritability and anger as their default. Not a pretty picture. The parent destroyed the very thing they set out to build and nurture. You now understand the power of caging and clipping feathers. It can cause a lot of harm, even when it comes from a place of appreciation and love. But things are not always so sombre. Suppose the people you love are in the wrong circles, which is ultimately detrimental to them. In that case, you can use selective caging to protect your bird from metaphorical pollution. It is what you do with your children to prevent them from hanging out with the wrong peer group. If loving does not mean you should cage people, it also does not mean they should have free reign to do as they please. Balance is key. Have you ever caged the people you love, or have you ever been caged? Share your story in the comments.

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